Purpose

pur·pose

ˈpərpəs/

noun

1. 1.

   the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.

   
   

   "the purpose of the meeting is to appoint a trustee"

   synonyms:

   motive, motivation, grounds, cause, occasion, reason, point, basis, justification

Adrienne was always my purpose.  Tyler, Jenna and Brody have always had such strong personalities, but I worried about Adrienne.  She always seemed so fragile to me, and I was terrified that people would take advantage of her kind nature.  What I learned after she passed was that she was one of the strongest people that I've ever known.  She was magnetic.  You couldn't help but be drawn to her.  When she was young, she was scared of EVERYTHING.  I used to laugh so hard when mosquito hawks and June bugs started coming out.  She would sit in the car until I shooed them all away from the front door.  She slept in my bed with me every night.  Then, she grew into this fearless being.  She was always down to go anywhere with me.  She was my "P.I.C.", my Partner In Crime.  She was so loud.  She would push my anxiety to the brink.  She was my purpose.  She made me want to be a better person.  I'm just not sure what to do now with this emptiness.  Her birthday is approaching, and I started to dread going to Olive Garden because that's where she always wanted to go.  I would eat at Olive Garden everyday for the rest of my life to have her back...to have a purpose.  I completely understand these words from 'Steel Magnolias' now from the depths of my soul...God, I miss her so much.

"I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life."

I Have Officially Become Socially Awkward

Before Adrienne passed, I had zero issues being in public.  I could talk to anyone about anything.  Since she has been gone, I have noticed that my desire to be in public is growing less and less appealing.  At first, I thought it was because I was depressed.  That is an obvious and easy explanation.  However, the further I get into this grieving process, the more I realize that I do not dread going out in public because I am sad.  I have become socially awkward.  It is something that I never thought I would deal with, but just like that, *snap fingers*,  a new emotion appears and leaves me baffled.  I have thought a lot about why I feel anxious about interacting with people, and I have figured out that I am hyper focused on how what happened to Adrienne has affected the way people treat me.  It definitely has...understandably so.

What do you say to a person who has suffered a loss that is incomprehensible?  Is it okay to ask about the death, or should you avoid the subject?   How do you address a child that has passed?  What can you say that will comfort them?  Are you going to say something that may offend them?  Do you hug them?  What in the hell do you do?

Well, here are some suggestions that I have come up with that may help.  These apply to me solely.  I do not  speak for anyone else, but hopefully, they will be applicable to others, as well.  Every situation and person is different, but most likely, these are not far off.

1.  Do not be afraid to approach me.  A majority of my anxiety stems from people who do not come and talk to me because they do not know what to say.  I see you looking in my direction then uncomfortably cutting your eyes away.  I would rather you reach out to me than spend your entire time in my presence acting like I’m not here or you do not know that my child died.  Just come talk to me.

2.  That brings me to my second point.  My child died.  It happened.  It is terribly heart wrenching, but it is okay to talk about it.  I am telling you that it is.  I want you to know what happened.  I NEED you to know because I need you to know the truth.  I was there.  I did not see the actual incident, but I was 10 feet away from her on the other side of the door when it happened, and forensics do not lie.

3.  Do not tell me “Everything happens for a reason”, “God has a plan”, “Time will heal all wounds”, and/or “She’s in a better place”.  I hope all of those things are true, but until you have had a child savagely and abruptly ripped from your life, do not speak on the death of my child.  Just say “I’m sorry”, “I’m thinking of you” or “I’m praying for you” Anything else is noise to me.

4.  It is okay to say her name.  It is okay to laugh.  I love hearing funny stories about her.  I love hearing about how she affected people, whether it be her infectious laugh, helpful/snarky comments, a smile, a sweet gesture, etc.

5.  Lastly, Adrienne has two brothers and a sister, and her passing has left them with an interstice.  Please apply these suggestions to your dealings with them as well.  Be loving.  Be tactful.  Be supportive.  Your thoughts and prayers are considerably comforting way more than you could imagine.

I apologize if my words are tactless or crass, but sensitivity and grace are not exactly my main priorities at the moment.  Please do not think that I am not grateful for the outpouring of love that we have received.  I am honestly just trying to make things easier and less uncomfortable for everyone.

Thank you to all who have stuck beside me.  It is not easy.  I’m well aware.

I want to include a resource on this blog that pertains to Adrienne’s death and/or gun safety...

Please visit the link below, and if you are able, donate supplies to Bo’s Place.  Bo’s Place is grief support group the kids and I will be attending.  It’s free of charge and comes highly recommended by everyone I have spoken to.  Thank you in advance for your support to Bo’s Place.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/ls/ref=cm_wl_rlist_go_v/145-8444747-9503255?ie=UTF8&lid=UNF2DZRP9F7I&ref_=cm_wl_rlist_go_v&ty=wishlist#top

Adrienne Is Born!

Adrienne Christa-Fay Lambert was born on August 21, 2003 at 6:22pm to me, her dad, Chris, big brother, Tyler, & big sister, Jenna.  She was 7lbs. 14 oz. & 21 1/2 in. long, even though she was 3 weeks early.  The doctors told us she would have been over 9 lbs. if she would have gone full term!  We had her early by c-section because she had a blood disorder which caused her to have a low platelet count and put her at risk for issues like inter-cranial hemorrhaging or cerebral palsy.  We were so worried when she was born because they immediately swept her away.  She wasn't breathing, but she eventually started crying.  It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard, but it seemed like an eternity when the entire room was quiet except for the machines monitoring me.  She was supposed to be on oxygen for 12 hours, but just 6 hours later a nurse brought her to my room.  She was already our little fighter!

Chris chose her first name.  He had always loved it.  Her middle name was Christa after him, & my nanny's name was Fay.  That was how she came to have two, hyphenated middle names.  She always thought it made her special, & she was right.  She was special in so many ways.

She was the most beautiful baby.  She had huge eyes that were as blue as the ocean, chubby cheeks, & just a little bit of hair that was strawberry blonde.  She was a Daddy's girl from the start.  It almost gave me a complex because when I was holding her, and she heard his voice, she would cry until he took her.  I was secretly a little jealous lol.  She was the sweetest baby from the start.  When I would breast feed her, she would stroke my hair & twist it.  When I looked it up, I learned that she was a "silker".  She always did it, & I learned to love it.  She would sleep with me even as a teenager, and I would wake up to her silking my hair.  I never realized how much I would miss that.   

Adrienne passed away on December 17, 2017.  She was 14 years old, & she was 5'5" tall.  We were always excited to see how tall she would get because she was so long when she was born.  She had long brown hair & those big, blue eyes.  She was absolutely gorgeous, and her personality was magnetic.  She was loving, sassy, kind, genuine, clumsy, & stubborn.  She showed us all how to live life to the fullest.  She was taken from us way too early.  Her death has left us all with many unanswered questions.  There has been a change in me that has left me with so much anger, so I decided to redirect that energy into making this blog.  Hopefully, her story can bring awareness to the importance of gun safety.  I will make sure that, through this blog, everyone will know how amazing this young lady was and also how to keep your loved ones safe.  “We will be okay...not everyday, but that’s okay.” 💛

Please visit this site & watch the video, and PLEASE talk to your kids about firearm safety.  Even if you do not have guns in your home, their friends parents may have them.  The most important thing to relate is that they must treat EVERY gun like it’s loaded!

http://www.projectchildsafe.org/talking-to-kids